Dear Torn in Two,
I feel you and I hear you. What you need are healthy
boundaries, plain and simple.
Setting boundaries allows you to compartmentalize your work
and personal lives appropriately. Boundaries allow you to focus on what you
need to do when you're in the physical space, head space, and appropriate place
to do so.
Years ago, my dear friends and colleagues Seema, Fahim, and
I went to a summit in Toronto. This is a place where we'd been before—a meeting
of the minds with influencers, coaches, motivators, and thought leaders from
all over the world coming together to share inspiration and motivation. At this
one particular summit, Todd Herman spoke. He's the author of The Alter Ego
Effect, a book I highly recommend purchasing and devouring.
I remember Todd giving the example of a pair of glasses he
purchased, not because he needed glasses, but because he needed an identifier
to help his brain know what role he was in at what time. He'd put the glasses
on when he was at work, telling himself that he's now in his work role and
that's where his mind and focus should be. Then, he had a bracelet that his
child had made for him and, when he was headed home, he'd take off his glasses
and put on his bracelet, signifying that now he's on family time and his mind
and focus absolutely needed to be there, 100 percent.
I've thought about that lesson a lot. It's helped me put up
proper boundaries in my own life. After selling my store, Uncle Marty's
Shipping Office, in New York in 2023 and now being semi-retired, coaching with
AYM High Consultants and working with my writing and editing clients part time
(and, deep secret, also working on my first book) while I enjoy my new digs in
Delaware near family, life is indeed easier to manage because I'm free of the
retail hours demand on my time and the responsibility of managing a team and a
busy shipping, storage, and printing facility. But boundaries are still very
much needed to keep me sane.
Boundaries I've set for myself include the removal of all
email, social media, and messaging notifications from my phone, other than text
messages. I now check emails and socials when I can on my own time, but I don't
let them wake me up or distract me from what I need to be focusing on at any
given moment. I've also kept my cell number very private, and my coaching
clients know that if they need to get a hold of me, they must reach out to the
AYM High phone or email and then the team will bring me in as needed, when I'm
free. It's a total game-changer! I'm so much more focused, productive, and
(frankly) free to enjoy my new life, nearby beaches, travel, and be with family
without the constant interruptions, but yet carve out the appropriate time each
day, as needed, to handle what I need to for my clients.
I've had the privilege and pleasure of knowing you for a
long time, and I know what a dedicated, diligent, and devout person you are to
both your business and your family. You're doing great! But I also know the
pressures that come with everything on your plate. I've been there. We're not
exactly the same, as you have kids that need you and I never had any children,
but you also have a spouse that helps in your business as a partner, and I
never had that. So, while I understand on many levels, I admit that those key
differences do make our situations a bit separate; the solution though remains
the same: healthy, enforced boundaries.
Boundaries also encompass knowing your limits. You can't be
everything, everywhere, all at once. You're kind of superhuman in a way, if you
allow me to say so, and I admire that about you a whole lot, but don't forget
the last part of that: you're still human. You're building a team now and
that's wonderful—essential to your business growth and scaling. But how much
trust and empowerment are you putting in that team?
You know Clark, my five-year team member and former Store
Manager at Uncle Marty's who ended up buying the business from me with his
wife, Codey Noel. It was he and his siblings, Aleah and Callum, his mom, Julie,
and many other wonderful team members of ours who taught me the value of trust.
When Clark became Store Manager, he took so much off my
plate...and for that I'll be forever grateful. He allowed me to build an office
in the back of the store (out of cardboard, because that's how we do in our
industry) and therefore transferring the face of the business—the person / team
everyone always saw when they entered—from me to him and his crew. That basic
step was very hard for me, as my desk traditionally was always in view of
everyone. In the business-building phase, that was important, as I had to
establish myself as the owner, shopkeeper, and go-to community liaison for the
business, but once it got to the point where the team took over as the visual,
I was free to really focus and get so much more done in my little back-of-store
cardboard cubby.
Clark and team soon also started taking over as the business
face at events and networking groups. Eventually, people stopped coming in and
always asking if Marty was available, and instead they asked for Clark, Julie,
Aleah, Callum, Ryan, Carter, Elijah, or any of the other crew with whom they'd
become familiar working with and trusting. I remember the first time I came up
to the front of the store after a while of this and met a client who had become
a regular. She looked at me and said, "You mean there's a real Uncle
Marty!?" She thought that was just a mascot or a McDonald's-style business
name. That interaction made me so, so happy. That was my goal: to turn the
Uncle Marty's brand away from being associated with Uncle Marty himself and
into a name associated with local shipping, storage, and printing solutions. In
fact, that brand built up so much value that when Clark and Codey Noel took
over as owners, the name is what had the most value to them; they plan to open
a couple more locations and build that brand into a true local chain very
quickly.
All of this required me letting go of having to read and
check over every email, approve and price and display every new product, attend
every networking event, personally show up at every sponsored event, and more.
It eventually led to the brand taking off at a new pace and the team being so
interested in it that I was able to sell to Clark and Codey Noel and
semi-retire in my mid-40s. It took a whole lot of trust in my team, some hard
boundary setting on my part, and faith that there was a bigger picture and plan
at play. I am so, so grateful.
At AYM High Consultants, the coaching enterprise my
colleagues and I launched last year that has totally exploded with amazing
results and feedback since, we often advise our clients—AYM High Soarers—on
setting appropriate boundaries. So often, we see people trying to please
everyone, staying up late to answer their guests' and clients' emails, giving
out their personal cell numbers to anyone, any time, so that the same can
bother them day or night, and generally not respecting themselves enough to
tell people, "I'm available during business hours and will be glad to
assist you as best I can then." We constantly help AYM High Soarers not
only find the right people to allow boundaries to be enforced (and therefore
effective), but also help them trust the amazing teams they build to let
themselves let go of what they don't need to be spending their precious time,
focus, and energy on, as only then can a business truly go from good to
great—to soar!
If you need more help, my team and I would love to help.
Check out this video (https://youtu.be/ZHb8ISQGU0A)
on the importance of having a mentor and coach, and reach out any time—just
know that, even though I care about you tremendously and will do all I can to
help you, I won't reply to you outside of the times I've allowed myself to do
so. #Boundaries
With care,
Uncle Marty
b4.jpg)
