Where I Stand...For Now

I posted an essay on New Year's Day about faith. In it, I touched on major issues in my faith community and tried to explore where I stood at the time and how I felt. I disclosed that I expected my views to evolve, as faith is a living thing and not a static thing. I still get asked often where I stand, why I still participate in my faith community after so much wrong occurred, and how I feel about different situations. So, to my loved ones, friends, colleagues, and column readers, I feel I owe you this update…

Yes, I still participate in some of the faith gatherings I have always been a part of. I love many of my church friends and many of our pastors, even if I don’t always agree with everyone on every little thing—cosmetics, politics, semantics, and all of the other -ics that would seek to divide. I feel the spirit working when we get together to share and often feel uplifted and encouraged when we’re having fellowship in most settings; it brings me peace.

I believe in our group’s core model of an apostolic-style itinerant ministry and home-based churches, though, as is my practice, I continue to also enjoy exploring other churches, houses of worship, scholar works, various translations of scripture, non-cannon texts, and ways of thinking and being. I continue to believe and see that, just because the spirit is present in one group, doesn’t mean it’s not in many others too and in those who choose to not be part of a particular group; God is so much bigger than we understand and works throughout creation, culture, and tradition to teach individuals the Golden Rule—the narrow way and universal secret to peace that is simply loving your neighbor.

Participation in church gatherings, however, is not endorsement of harmful ideologies that occasionally are shared by some pastors and lay people. This is becoming more and more rare, thank goodness, but every now and then someone will still spurt out something very wrong that points toward exclusivity, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, fundamentalism, judgement of others "outside" the church, or other horrific things. This is not okay. I get that everyone has opinions, but these ideologies are dangerous, harmful, and so incredibly damaging. God is love, everyone is worthy of God's love, the vast majority of morality is cultural, and the way is living. Period.

Participation in church gatherings is also most certainly not an endorsement of a few still in church leadership whom I and many others feel should have stepped down years ago when abuse scandals broke and they were discovered to have willingly and knowingly participated in coverups and putting people in harm’s way. In any company, agency, or organization, leaders often and rightly resign when scandals, gross missteps, or ill-advised decisions under their leadership occur. It’s standard. It’s an act of contrition and solidarity to those who have been hurt.

That being said, what I know or think I know about the abuse and coverups is second-hand. Just like with world events, politics, and all of the other contentious things going on in our societies, the full story is often hard to understand and many voices may be biased. However, I have communicated with many trusted sources who make me believe strongly that a few pastors still in oversight positions had direct knowledge of serious wrongdoing and, with an unwillingness or profound ignorance to address situations properly, instead covered them up…over and over again, as a pattern, continuing to put children and others in serious danger. Way too many cases of abuse absolutely occurred, and many serial cases could have been prevented if proper action had been taken at first accusation and/or if coming forward to report abuse was encouraged and not, as it seems to have been, all too often discouraged and discounted. Victim blaming is abominable and unacceptable.

Countless friends of mine have stepped forward and left our church as a result of their discontent with leadership, their rejection of exclusivity dogma that some people still very wrongly tout, and/or their frustration with some legalistic mindsets and preached standards that are inappropriate and very outdated. And I fully support those who have moved on. In fact, I struggle with my own participation decision often for these same reasons. Is my staying in part saying that what happened or how it was/wasn’t handled is okay? Or saying that I’m content with the legalistic mindsets that some in leadership and fellowship still have? I hope it doesn’t appear that way, because it’s not that way; I hope this missive makes it clear where I stand…for now.

I’m quite stubborn. I refuse to let a few also-stubborn individuals and their harmful decisions and/or mindsets and world views remove me from a community where I still often find great love, fellowship, and encouragement; where the majority of the participants, pastors, deacons, and elders alike don't agree with what has been done or how things have been handled…and are simply trying to stay an encouragement and source of strength to each other. Stubbornness goes both ways, so if I want others to have more grace, perhaps I need to have more grace as well. But, when it comes to things that so deeply harm others, I believe I and many of my peers have the right and obligation to remain stubborn.

My continued participation in gatherings where I feel encouraged and uplifted is grounded in my belief that I'm supposed to be there...and my conviction that any reform or change movement needs those who step forward and march and wave flags and shout and call people out, but it also needs those who try to change things from the inside—to “be the change” and more openly non-conform in order to point out how ridiculous and dangerous a culture of conformity is; to show that it’s spirit and not form that make up a life acceptable to God and a community of people who can help each other to that end.

I look at it like this: I’m an American, but I am incredibly disappointed and heartbroken by most things going on in America at the present time. But I’m still an American and I believe in the core ideals of our country: freedom and liberty. I’m not leaving my homeland because there are individuals temporarily in power who are doing terrible, exclusionary, and incredibly harmful things to so many people and families. I’m trying my best to be the change from the inside and will continue to vote and love and respect and build community, even when some of my own and so many other communities are being attacked.

In all organizations—nations, communities, businesses, associations, teams, temples, or churches—leadership is temporary. Decision makers change. New generations who understand what the current culture and morality is will eventually take over and make things better.

And I see so many great changes in my faith community. It’s awesome…and long, long overdue. When ministers visit, many of us don’t hide anything in our homes anymore like we used to do out of fear of offense or penalty (seriously, that used to be a thing, as ridiculous as it sounds), or change our clothes and take off jewelry, makeup, or nail polish to try to appear more humble or modest (seriously, that also used to be a thing, as completely absurd as it sounds!) After all, modesty is a spirit and not a costume; in fact, wearing a costume to appear more modest is, at its core, not modest. It's so important to encourage people to express their style however they feel is right for themselves at the time, as it creates a community and a ministry that's less offensively fundamentalist-appearing and much more real...and, the key, approachable.

Approachability is so important. Did Jesus or his followers 2000-plus years ago dress differently than everyone around them? No. They were just regular people wearing whatever the common attire of the day was. And, don't get me wrong, as I'm all about uniforms; I help clients find the appropriate uniforms for their businesses all the time. And I love a pastoral collar or obvious denotation of a minister in many other churches, however ours does not officially have a uniform, and I like that very much too. Our pastors are mostly not formally ordained, but rather volunteer, regular people from all backgrounds and walks of life who are moved to go on the road and preach the gospel. So, dressing respectfully and professionally is great when preaching or meeting and then wearing regular day-to-day clothes when not in a formal setting is totally appropriate. I see that happening...again, slowly, but there are some younger—and a few older—pastors who indeed do sport a more contemporary style.

My current Sunday gathering of friends is a delightful, loving, and non-judgmental group. Most people in it are just being themselves and not putting on airs nearly as much. And our mid-week Bible studies are now frequently actually that—a study and not a formal meeting. We simply read a chapter together in a small group and then casually discuss it and any other topics anyone wants to bring up, with everyone invited and welcome to participate, regardless of whether or not you have made an expression of faith in the past or have committed to a certain thing or not. It's awesome! Some friends and I also have fellowship on Zoom from time to time and share education, ideas, and testimonies on other digital platforms as well, which is especially helpful for many who choose not to participate in any in-person gatherings anymore.

Many ministers and lay people I speak with are happy and hopeful about the reforms happening—the “Great Chilling Out,” as I like to call it. But some, of course, still can’t let go of the structure and silly rules that they were either raised with or gravitated to because of their own religious tendencies. I feel strongly that, in concept, we are not and should not be a religion, though objectively that is what my community became. We’re breaking the religion down now and, God willing to continue the work that has begun, are becoming more of what we should be in my opinion: just simple people meeting together to encourage each other and not patrol or judge each other.

More people now understand that previously-touted gender roles, expectations, and hierarchies are a dangerous confusion of the extremely patriarchal—and often homophobic and/or transphobic—cultures during which scripture was composed and/or translated with our current should-be free and equal culture. And now that people are much more aware of the gender and sexuality spectrums that indeed have existed across history, even some of the most stodgy old-timers are realizing that we are all part of God’s intentionally diverse family of unique and beautiful individuals…and finally acknowledging that to think one type of human identity is inherently better or more qualified than another is outrageous. I’m so encouraged that more and more people are now finally seeing these truths.

One wonderful thing I have always loved about my church is that both women and men are pastors, district leaders, deacons, and occasionally—although rarely—elders. But, that aside, it’s frustratingly still only older men in organizational oversight positions (a root cause of many issues right there, if you ask me!) What makes me very hopeful though is that, in some places, women are finally leading more at higher decision making and advocacy levels, and I hope, hope, hope that the powers that be will understand how good this is and more women will eventually become elders and take on other even more visible and wider reaching oversight roles in the ministry. That will make such a huge, positive impact. We desperately need more feminine wisdom leading the way.

Another great change is that many pastors are now directed to not judge or comment on what someone does or doesn’t wear, does or doesn’t have in their home, how past relationships may have ended, what current relationships they may have, or what their living situation is. Because pastors are itinerant and move from town to town often, it’s hard to really put down roots in places, but a few are now taking occasional temporary jobs or volunteering in communities when they’re not busy with visits or meetings—like substitute teaching or helping at local shelters, food banks, and community centers. Yes! Of course! Isn’t that the point? Wasn’t Paul a tentmaker when he wasn’t on the road or otherwise detained? It’s so important to get out of the bubble of just hanging out with others in a specific group day in and day out and instead go out into communities to make new friends and understand new perspectives that aren’t like what someone is normally around or exposed to.

Also, some states and countries now have pastoral training workshops where professionals are brought in to inform on best practices, laws, codes of conduct, tax liabilities, and many more important topics that those in a ministerial role not only should be informed better on, but in many areas are required to be certified on. Online certification for safe pastoral practices and abuse reporting is also required in most areas, and teams of advocates and written safety policies have been created nearly everywhere. I’ve taken a certification course myself in order to stay informed and aware, and it was very eye-opening and important for my own growth and empowerment to be able to share openly like I am here without fear of being lambasted by some who get uncomfortable with criticism, accountability, and/or change and reform.

I’m not a combative person. I’m a conflict avoider by nature and am not one to make waves…most of the time. So, some strong wording from me in this essay (and in some previous ones also touching on faith) may surprise some people, but this essay and others are addressing some very serious situations and topics. Some people may also be surprised that I'm bringing faith into my mostly-business-topic column, but I believe strongly that some lessons I share might be universal ones that my friends, family, colleagues, and readers in other faith communities may also be facing, so it's helpful and healthy to be able to share publicly like this. At least, it's healthy and helpful for me and, in the interest of transparency, that's why I've decided to "go there" in my column. Besides, I've shared plenty of selective personal stories and struggles in my column the past, and will continue to do so going forward, which I hope shows that every human is complex and that sometimes our business and personal lives overlap, with basic truths often being common to all aspects of these complicated lives we all live.

Because things got so out of whack and so religious with church traditions in my community for so long, and because so many have been hurt by the abuse and coverups and legalism that occurred, and because so many are still trying to figure this whole situation out, I feel very moved to share where I currently stand for my own mental wellbeing, as well as to show solidarity to others who have taken brave stands and spoken their truths. Fear of making waves, I believe, is what got us here. So perhaps my little pebble in the pond causing whatever ripples it may can serve to show someone else that it’s okay to struggle—to wonder, ponder, think critically, non-conform, and raise another voice in an effort to build a stronger, safer, more open, and more honest community. After all, if we're looking strictly and simply to Jesus as an example, wasn't he the epitome of non-conforming and calling out harmful behavior, dogma, and religious ideologies that had gotten out of context and out of control?

I claim to be and strive to be an optimist and I hope my praise for positive changes that are happening shows some silver linings that I often write are very important to find in difficult situations. And I acknowledge fully that in this essay I may have seemed to disparage and judge others, even when I hammer a point in my previous essay posted earlier today that that's not okay. So, to clarify, I am not saying that those involved in abuse coverups are terrible people; I'm disagreeing with their decisions and their reasonings and/or motives behind those decisions, but am not condemning them as whole individuals.

Having been in the ministry myself 20-some years ago, I understand some of the pressures and the culture of not making waves that was, and is, still prevalent. In fact, I know a couple of those who seem to have been involved in the coverups; in the past I’ve had some of them as guests in my home, broken bread with them, appreciated many roses in some of their past sermons, thorns excluded, and do still care about them in many ways. Without striving for love, empathy, and forgiveness, we're just falling into the trap of division and bitterness that is so dangerous and permeating...and we often then become paralyzed from moving forward. But forgiveness doesn't remove the need for accountability.

Humans indeed often make bad decisions, and at the time they were made maybe those who made them thought they were the right decisions. Maybe they didn't have all of the information we have now, the best education or awareness, the foresight to see how harmful the results would be, or the priority for protecting and respecting individual liberties and expression that is so important to our culture's moral standards today. Decisions long ago perhaps reflected attitudes and mores of the time—a time when keeping things hush-hush was the norm, when society expected women to be second class, when standards of modesty and style were entirely different, when having honest, hard conversations was frowned upon, and when allowing people to live an honest, open life wasn't common. That doesn't remove the need for reconciliation or contrition now though, or the desperate need for more positive changes to make things better.

I believe fully in being a peacemaker and spreading peace, so I hope this essay is taken in that spirit and not in a spirit of sowing more division. While I have called out some things that, when not called out or addressed or stood up to continue to harm so many, I have also intended to share good things that are happening with those who are in a very divisive place right now, in hopes of bringing a little reconciliation with the hard-lined beliefs they may have been exposed to in the past; to show that things indeed are changing and getting better, with more and more gray areas being accepted as what they are—grey areas with no need to put a good or bad label on—and I hope, perhaps, that acceptance will allay and/or continue to heal some of the bitterness and black-and-white thinking that is still out there.

The first chapter of Colossians was on my mind recently. In it, the writer shares that they believe that Jesus is the head of the church body. I believe that and need to remind myself of that often. If we're looking to humans as the head of any church, we're going to get off track and let other people's opinions, dogma, or rules influence us too much. But if we collectively are looking to the example of Christ—of love, outreach, kindness, forgiveness, empathy, and inclusion of those whom society had outcast—then we'll be on the right track.

As one dear friend of mine, who himself is in the ministry, reminded me recently when I was pouring out my heart to him and trying to sort through all of this, God is very much still working on all of it and changes are indeed happening. We have to be patient and let God do what God's doing with the big picture while we do what we feel convicted to do in our little spheres. God has convicted many to move on, to raise their voices, and/or to advocate. That's very clear. And as for me? My guiding core beliefs and hopeful outlook about the future are summed up and punctuated in another essay I just posted: The Narrow Way. Read it if you’d like. Writing it has helped me explore, understand, and solidify where I stand…for now.

No matter how frustrating things are, please never let difficult situations rob your joy for too long. Don’t give away your power to have joy. Stubbornly pursue joy, as it is absolutely essential. Stubbornly think critically and rise above to see the bigger picture, knowing that, as another dear friend reminded me when I was pouring my heart out to her, “The story isn’t over yet.”

Choose love. It's the only way we’ll get through this many-armed monster of division that seems to have invaded so many aspects of our lives and spirits. And please—please, please, please—stubbornly make a point to embrace new friends outside of your bubble. Seek out those who worship, look, love, and live differently than you and listen to them, empathize with them, learn from them, share with them, and—most importantly—love them. Because love wins. Love always wins. 

Onward! 

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As in all of my writings, essays, and column shares, what has been shared here is my own opinion. Yours may be different. And that’s okay. Faith is an individual thing and I’m not trying to convert anyone or force my opinions on anyone. I’m simply sharing for you to take or leave as you choose and will do my best to respect and reciprocate space for you to do as you choose, as long as you’re not controlling or harming others—the caveat that this and other writings of mine are trying to address. This essay is formed by my own current beliefs as they stand now, understanding also that belief and faith are ever-evolving things and that I want to remain open to wherever the future takes me.

 

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Marty Johnson is the Communication and Vision Lead at AYM High Consultants, a columnist, and an editor, producing the mail and business center industry's leading magazine, MBC Today. In 2023, he sold his popular and growing brand, Uncle Marty’s Shipping Office (now rebranded simply to Uncle Marty’s) and retired from shopkeeper life to focus on writing and coaching. Subscribe to his Ask Uncle Marty™ newsletter and read more at askunclemarty.com; follow him on socials @askunclemarty. #AskUncleMarty